Friday, May 30, 2008

8 Week Challenge: THE FINALE

After I had my son I suffered from postpartum depression. It was a really awful time in my life. Really really bad.

To help cope, I began taking a low-dose anti-depressant. It helped immensely. I no longer struggled every day to get out of bed. I stopped wanting to sleep through my life. The thought of putting Logan in a carseat was no longer frightening to me. And I quit being mean to my husband.

Almost a year ago I stopped taking the medication. I was fearful at first. What if the old feelings returned? What if I found that I couldn't handle life? So many "what ifs" crowded my brain but I powered through and stopped.

I began experiencing feelings that had been "masked" if you will. I cry at movies again. When I find something touching, I tear up. I like that. I really do.

But, last week I decided to go back on them. For many reasons. One is because I am peri-menopausal. And I could handle this, I think however something bigger is happening in the Sister family.

Our dad is dying. I'm not ready for it. I'm not handling it well. I don't know who I am supposed to be without my father. And that really scares me.

I find myself breaking down with absolutely no warning. I will walk into the kitchen for a drink and just fall down to the floor in painful sobs. And while I understand that grieving is completely natural, when you add hormones into the mix, it makes it that much more difficult.

So let me apologize for a moment that our last week of Getting Fit From the Inside Out is a bit of a downer. I don't intend for it to be. But this is all a part of it. For me, anyway.

I have been working on my eating issues and feel pretty darned good about them. I have been moving my body more. I actually walk, or play tennis or ride my bike several times a week. I have been choosing healthier foods and going to bed earlier. I even got a better job which has been an amazing blessing to my life.

And yet, I found that these two glaring, sad, inevitable things were causing me to not be such a good mom. To not be a happy and loving wife. To not be a kind and fun sister (sorry Sassy). And to not be a good friend.

I am taking action. Just to help me get through this process. To help me not lose it when I am so sad. To let me be the person I need to be even though I fear others may judge my choice. But I have to do what is right for me. And you have to do what is right for you.

It has been a wonderful, enlightening and amazingly empowering 8 Week Challenge. Sassy is rocking the Weight Watchers house and running her diminishing butt off. And you all have held our feet to the fire. We appreciate that and are so very grateful.

Let's keep up the good work. Let's love our bodies as they are. Let's work to improve our health habits and lifestyle. Let's keep getting fit on the inside. Then we'll feel great about the outside. Amen?

For more cheerful frump fighting tips, head over to Fussy's.
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10 comments:

Sister Sassy said...

I've done well, but my running hasn't been as good as it was when I did the weekly check in. Apparently I need a whole lot of accountability.

I'm doing good with the eating, I am striving to do better.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with the Dad thing, I think you should use this time to call and talk to him as much as you can.

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Awe, Honeybunch, HUGE hugs to you. I think I'm going to right you, if I may - been there and done that on many of your points. And I think I'm just enough older than you that I may have some help for the perimenopausal junk, which is not easy to get through. My sympathies on what your whole family is going through, too.

Jen said...

You and your family will be in my thoughts...

I admire you for doing what you need to do in order to take care of yourself and your family, and for being courageous enough to share with others. Your words may just be the inspiration someone else needs to look for help...

Valarie said...

I'm so sorry, big bloggy hugs going out to you both. You do what you need to do, to feel like yourself right now.

I think the challenge was to work on yourself from the inside out and I do believe you are doing that.

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I don't know what to say to make it better, I don't think there is anything I could say. So I am just gonna sit here and keep giving you bloggy hugs and pray.

mah-meeee said...

*hugs*

hang in there and we're here for you.

It All Started With a Kiss said...

I'm so sorry about your Dad.
Sounds like you're doing what it takes though, thoughtfully and purposefully.
God bless.

Darla said...

Congrats on staying with your program for so long.

You have a lot on your plate right now. I'll say some extra prayers for your dad.

~D

Jane @ What About Mom? said...

I think this is my favorite post of yours so far. I say good for you for doing what you need to do to be the best you that you can be RIGHT now.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I hope this brings your family closer together. Thanks for sharing, and take care of yourself!

Sister Honey Bunch said...

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Jen, I would love for you to write me.

Hairline Fracture said...

I tried to comment before but Blogger wouldn't let me. Anyway, I wanted to say you are in my prayers. I went on ADs 18 months ago when my younger child was 8 months old. And I have decided to stay on them for now--as long as I need to, because I have a family history of depression.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad-- that is really hard for everyone involved. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. When you don't need that kind of help anymore, you can stop taking them (of course you already know that). Hang in there and please keep writing!