Come Play Inside My Big Box: A day in the life of a retail manager

We welcome guest blogger JimmyEatWorld. Thanks for the submission!

As my dearest Sister Sassy has previously mentioned, I work. A lot. I mean over 50 hours a week a lot. [Before I go any further, I do understand that if you are a SAHM, there really is no end to your day and if you added up the hours..... well lets not.] I work for a giant big box retailer one of the big three that you probably visit on a weekly basis (of the biggest three, Wal-mart, Kmart, Target - I work for the one that ends with a T, weird eh? ;)

So this is why I am writing; my beautiful, adoring, great love of my life, Sister Sassy, will sometimes "seem" to trump me when it comes to taking a lunch or talking on the phone. She'll say about 1/2 hour into our lunch, "ya, I really got to get back to work, I got a lot to do today." Ok, and what am I? Chopped liver????

So I thought I would give a day in the life an assistant manager to entertain the masses and show my adoring wife what it's like on the other side.

First we are a 10 million dollar per year store. Now 6 million of that is from my half of the store and from that about $400k in profit. Of the 65 people that work in the store, 5 full timers report directly to me and another 15 part timers, depending on where they are scheduled for that day. That means I'm responsible for $6,000,000 in sales and about 20 people in a space the size of 2 football fields.

6:30am - The sprint begins; I mean getting the kids off to daycare AND not being late for work. Quick shower, shave, and then a go at waking up the boys. Get them in front of some Sesame Street, breakfast, and everyone dressed. Although there are days when even though they are dressed, they aren't-but who hasn't gone to school in a long sleeve polo and sweats before? huh? Come on, cut me some slack here.

8:00am - Morning Meeting: everyone available in the building at the time (5-20 ppl) will come together for a quick update about what's going on in the store and company. Today, after the big boss talks, I use the opportunity to talk about payroll. I know people hate it when we cut their hours and always feel like maybe the company isn't doing well and that's the reason. To re-assure them that this is not the case I say "My last company was the same as here. If we thought we were going to have a bad quarter, then they would cut off spending from everything. Everything. I mean you couldn't buy a freaking box of staples. You were told to make do and wait till next month." Its true and I hope it helped others to show its not just us.

8:30am - Quick tour of the building. The whole management team, yes all 3 of us, walk around and take notes of things to fix.

9:00am - Very quickly after the start of the tour, my boss (and I do love and respect the guy) will say "I'm bored with this, lets stop touring" and I say Amen, brother, lets get to work!

9:05am - My first task it to make sure that my peeps are ok. I will grab a schedule and go talk to them and find out what they planned for the day and then make adjustments to their plan. I make this quick and as painless as possible before I go to work.

9:30am - After spending most of that last 1/2 hour walking (I sometimes wonder how much walking I do - but that's another blog for another day) its off to work. I first get out my notes from the morning and find out what has to get done that no one else can do or isn't here to do.

Today it is ad changes. We get a ton of stuff in early for the ad that breaks and this means finding good places to put it all. It also means getting on the forklift and having fun. (The most fun is the summer. Oh how I love being outside. I can actually hear the vitamin D being made in my skin as it's brief time in the sun during the day. I think fluorescent lights actually suck your will to live :) )

Today I got 4 pallets ready and then I break out the pallet jack (see pic at right) to move them from the very back of the store, that's right, to the very front. The two pallets of paper are fine, but the two of water and bleach, I'd guess around 1,000 pounds each, is not a cake walk.

11:30am- Gotta go and see my soul kisser, the one whom I adore above all others, Sister Sassy. Today we sit in front of her desk and watch 30 Rock; Its really very funny and I nearly spit my ham sandwich out laughing. Then the last 1/2 hour we spend looking at houses. I sneak a few not so innocent kisses in before I go; yeah you need to learn to kiss better at work BTW Sassy ;)

1:00pm- 1 1/2 lunch? Yeah, just wait. Now since I am the default 'credit card' guy, I have to talk to all of our cashiers about why we suck so bad and find out why. So I retrain 4 people today and give them a warning that if they don't at least ask everyone, then, oh yeah, trouble will be had. Actually today, during the last 'meeting' the overhead lighting flickers, and a bulb goes out. I look at the girl and say "I hope that's not a sign." I hate riding people, but I'm good at it and since I have to....

3:30pm - Now is the fun. We got shipped in these aisle stackers, like you see in grocery stores. Unfortunately nobody has the time to put them together, so I get to have all the fun myself.

I get a pallet of parts, instructions written by someone whom the English language left a very long time ago, and a screwdriver. They actually sent in a screwdriver, just in case one of the nearly 1,500 stores out there doesn't have a screwdriver in the building. Here I show off my mechanical skills (did you hear that Sister Sassy) and I have proof. See those 12 lovely racks to the right, yep all my work. And on the left the pallet of parts it came in as proof.

5:00pm - Ok, I finished that project just in time - for more work. Yes my friends 5:00 is NOT quiting time tonight. Tonight I get to 'close'. That means I work from 8:00am until 10:30pm. So I do get a two hour lunch. Why not come in like an hour later and only get an hour lunch? Don't ask, just don't.

Now from 5-10 I get to direct 10 people to put all the strays away (those items that people leave behind or put in the wrong spot) and to straighten the entire building. Yes I get the fun of telling 18 year olds that they have to go back to the dog food b/c they missed a section or didn't get it as straight and neat looking as it should be. Fun. Pure Fun. Because its usually not enough time or people to do it, I usually end up straightening for 1-2 hours every night to pitch in as well. Lots of fun. I think to myself, as I am moving almost every box of tampons to get them all to line up, THIS is what I went to college for 5 years for!!! Yahoo!

11:00pm - Home, finally. Now because this is my weekend to work, I get to open tomorrow. So if I hurry up and fall asleep by 11:30 then I will get exactly 5 hours of sleep

4:30am Get back up. That's right, I have to open the building so that means leaving at 5:30 to get there at 6:00am. (That's my 'I'm pissy for working these F***ed up hours look to the left)

Well there you have it. A day in the life of a retail manager. Next time I'll share some of the 'fun' stories I have of my 6+ years in dealing with customers.


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A Day in the Life of Sister Aquanetta

Sister Aquanetta is the fourth of eight children in our family. When Sassy and I asked her what she would like her sister name to be on our blog, things got all convoluted (as often happens in our family) and we sort of screwed up.

See, our family plays a really lousy game of Telephone/ Operator/Post Office/ whatever that game is called. You know the one, where one person whispers a secret into another's ear. Then that person leans over and whispers to the one sitting beside her and on and on it goes around the circle until it gets back to the original whisperer.

Anyway, Sister IV originally said she wanted to be Sister "Aquafina". Since she was once a professional hair stylist., Sassy and I assumed we heard "Aquanetta". #4 thought it was funny that we were such idiots, so she went with it. She's very easy that way.


Aquanetta has three children and a really scary-big husband who reminds me of Toby Keith. Sister Aquanetta's not scary though. She has the world's biggest heart, which shows in this post where she describes a day in her life at the nursing home.

Speaking of Sisters..

I work at Borgess Nursing Home where many retired Sisters (nuns) live. They are so very interesting. Some of them have dementia. Some don't. Its intriguing to me that they have lived their lives to serve...remain celibate..teach.. etc.

One of my favorites is a Sister from England. She is itty-bitty and I love her. She always knows me but never seems to remember my name. Her favorite thing to do is solve problems. It's her hobby.

One day she got on the subject about another lady's hat. She just kept playing with it and asking questions about it. I tuned her out for a moment or two until she began clapping her hands at me and proceeded to say (remember to use an English accent when she is quoted.)

"Sista? Sista?" I replied "Yes?"

"If this wasn't a hat, what would it be?" She continued asking me the same question all the way to the Lavy (lavatory).

"Sista.?..sista..? If the hat wasn't here..where would it be?"

Oh my goodness gracious. I tuned her out after about an hour of her constant chattering. She was washing up and getting ready for bed. Of course, she was still carrying on about that God-forsaken hat. I must have zoned out (but only for a moment) when suddenly she slapped me in the face with her wet washcloth! GROSS. Luckily it had only been used on her hands. But still.

Finally I was able to get her into bed but it was too late for me. She had already taken me there. You don't want to go there. It takes a long time to get out. I had entered her world where you find yourself forgetting how to have a normal conversation and you sound just plain dumb.

I was trying to get my marbles back in order when Sister One in the next room yelled to her roommate (Sister Two) who happened to be an amputee, "Hey someone cut your leg off last night!" Sister Two's stump appeared to be sticking out from under her blanket and it was causing a commotion.

Sister Two replied "Oh they did? I better call the police!" Then sister #1 said "You better hurry up! They might get it back for you".

I busted out laughing so hard I just couldn't contain myself. They both looked at me as though I was the crazy one. I finally had to leave the room.

Everyone at the nurses station stared at me until someone asked if I had spent the day with Sister Johnine ( the one obsessed with the hat.) Yep, she was the one to drive me over the edge.

Not every day is the same. People are unpredictable and you never know what to expect but they are always entertaining and endearing.

If I sound off the wall sisters, its one of the hazards of my job. But I wouldn't give it up. Not everyone likes to go to work. I'm lucky because I do!

Sister Aquanetta

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A Visit with Wild Bill (aka Our Dad): My Three Sons Edition

Our post about our father generated a lot of interest and many people have requested an update as to how he is doing. Honey Bunch and I are genuinely touched by your concern.

Our three brothers flew down to visit our dad and had quite an interesting adventure. From One-Son constantly losing our dad's dentures (he is 51, so his forgetfulness can be excused. Have you tried Gingko Billy Ray?), to their discovery of our dad's home having been robbed by the hillbilly losers who live nearby. Here is there email update they sent to the rest of us.

South Carolina is cold and rainy and we got an early start. One Son got the earliest start because when setting his cell phone he compensated for the time zone change AFTER his cell phone had already changed to Eastern time. He was downstairs drinking coffee at 5:00 AM before he realized Brother Bobbo and Brother Lee wouldn't even be getting up for another hour.

We planned to drive to the trailer, give it a quick once over, grab the TV and VCR and move them to dad's room. Then get the Power of Attorney signed and drive back to Hamer. Brother One Son would sign on to dad's bank accounts, Bobbo would get dad's car running, and Brother Lee would scour the trailer for important, sentimental or valuable stuff.

We drove the 40 minutes to the Hamer homestead first thing, arriving about 8:30 AM.

THE TRAILER I
The trailer had been broken into. No surprise. The front door lock had been punched out and the padlock pried loose. The interior had been totally ransacked. Chairs turned over, bed torn apart, food and random junk and clothes strewn about. Even the refrigerator had been pulled away from the wall and walked toward the front door before the white trash decided stealing it was too much work. They had literally torn open dad's briefcase, leaving only his Bible and a copy of the World Wide Church of God hymnal.
The TV and VCR had been stolen, along with two space heaters, a boom box, and god only knows what other fenceable/pawnable stuff. We did find dad's glasses and his teeth. Dad's 1994 Cutlass Ciera started up, but needed some fluids.

NURSING HOME
Dad: "Did you find my teeth?"
Bobbo: "We have good news and bad news. We found your teeth but One Son put them down and didn't remember to pick them up again." Brother Lee: "We have a new Quelf rule: If Billy puts them down he has to announce: 'I no longer have dad's teeth!'. He has to keep saying it until he picks them up again." (Dad should have his teeth back, safe and warm and wet in his mouth tomorrow)

Because dad's roommate had recently died, his TV left with him. Dad's comment was, "They stole that TV. It couldn't have been his. He was an invalid." Dad really missed the TV, so on the way back to the nursing home we stopped into Walmart and bought him a new 20" digital set which got a really great picture! With rabbit ears!

While Brother Bobbo and Brother Lee set up the TV, One Son and dad got the Power of Attorney signed and notarized. On the way back to his room, dad had the nurse stop his wheelchair at the nurses station for drink. The nurses were all, "Hi, Mr. Stephens! How are you? Are those your boys? Are those your new glasses? Where they been, did those boys hide them from you?"

One Son said, "It was the only way we could think of to keep him out of trouble." The nurses all giggled. Dad replied, "Look at me. What more trouble could I be in?" The nurses giggled some more.

We showed dad his new TV and he started flipping through the channels. We gave him the sweater mom had mailed him a couple months earlier (it had been forwarded to One Son), and a digital picture frame/clock/calendar for his room. We also instructed the Social Services director to please replace all the door and drawer labels in dad's room with new labels that spell dad's name correctly. Mr. Stephens, not Mr. Stevens. Then we hit the road again for Hamer.

LUNCH
Chic-fil-a take-out. Three number one combos with a Coke. Nuff said.

THE TRAILER II
The trailer is a total disaster. Holes in the floor covered by plywood covered by carpet covered by more carpet covered by food and old clothes. No heat, water or electricity. Holes in the doors, held shut by chains. Everything filthy. Everything scattered everywhere. The house smells of pickles.

Boxes of crap everywhere. 300 or more VCR tapes of movies he recorded. 100 tapes of church sermons and special bulletins. Cold and damp. A gallon of moonshine on a cupboard. Food and dirty dishes scattered among the old clothes books and church pamphlets. We found two suitcases packed with nice clean clothes. Presumably planning to go to the Feast before deciding he was not up to it.

There was ground steak, a jar of mushrooms, some onions on the floor. Dinner that never got cooked. We also sifted though the shed. It had been broken into also, but was cleaner, dryer and warmer than the trailer. He had started wiring it for electricity. We wondered whether he was going to open up a new business office, or was planning to move into it to live.

Brother Lee and Bobbo searched the trailer and shed. We found an Isramco stock certificate, the missing teeth, checkbook, a walking stick, a bunch of photos and letters, a 1951 issue of Sport magazine, a dead bird, lots of random tools and copier parts. The letters are particularly interesting.

THE CAR
The Cutlass had no brakes - but once filled with brake fluid, it would stop if you pushed the pedal all the way to the floor, then tried to push it through the firewall. It had no coolant but we filled it up. The trunk was dry but dirty, and the lock worked - a vast improvement over the previous vehicle.
Bobbo filled the fluids, cleaned the interior, put air in the tires. We put most of the salvageable clothes, memories and random stuff into the trunk and locked it up.

We drove the car to Edna's for overnight. Friday Bobbo'll call a repair shop and get a price for fixing the breaks. If it can be fixed cheaply enough, we'll repair it and let mom drive it while she's down here. We'll keep it at Edna's for the short term.

THE BANK
One Son filed POA with the county. Went to the bank and got himself signed on to dad's checking account. Cancelled the debit card. Confirmed that dad had not cashed a large check in the previous three months, so the thieves probably didn't get more than a few dollars cash.

Then One Son asked to use the bathroom. Everybody in the bank stopped what they were doing and stared at the teller.

"I'm sorry, the bathroom isn't for public use," the teller said. Everybody turned to stare at Billy. "That's okay. I'm not the public. I'm a customer."

Everybody turned to stare at the teller.

"We don't usually do this, but okay. Here's the key." Everybody stared at them both as they walked across the bank floor. "Well," One Son said. "I won't tell anyone if you won't."

AUNT EDNA (pictured right. Bobbo, Edna, One Son and Big Mama)
We met mom at Edna's, and took her out for a bite at the Dry Dock for some fish soup, fried oysters and hush puppies with tails - and why wouldn't they have tails? Then back to the hotel.

MIDNIGHT
We ate dinner and drank beers and told stories til past midnight.
ONE A.M. We wrote this update before going to bed.

One Son called the county Sheriff and told them about the break-in and list of stolen property. He spoke with Lt.Smith (sounded like a young woman) who knew dad: she had gone out to check on him when we (H.B or Sassy?) called. Said he was a nice man.She was literally offended that we didn't think to call her officeand ask them to look in on the trailer when we learned he was in thehospital. And she was incensed that we didn't make a police reportthe minute we saw the place had been broken into. I admitted we wereidiots and she was, "Well, okay then. I wish your dad the best.".

UPDATE
Mom saw dad today and said he looked awesome. He was sitting up, had his teeth in and had gotten his hair cut. He was alert and happy. The nurses even stopped her as she was going by to tell her about his progress.

They have gotten him off almost all of his mood altering medication. He is eating better, they don't have to thicken the liquids as much and he even fed himself some. And he has been standing up and even took a few steps in physical therapy. He can even lift his left leg!

Mom said that we wouldn't recognize the progress from what we say that was less than two weeks ago. He still forgets and has his tremors but it sounds like good progress. This man a few months ago was given less than 6 months to live and now with his progress we are all hopeful that he is on his way to being able to return to Michigan. We'll be sure to keep you all updated.

The Blah Blah Blah Blog

Sister Honey Bunch had to spend last night at the homeless shelter at her church to make sure there was no Tom-Foolery going on. She is tired today. Sassy has been caring for the House of Sick for well over two weeks. She is also tired. While they spend the day recovering, Sister Big is Guest Blogging.

Sister Big is well, our Big Sister. Honey Bunch was born two days before Big's birthday and our daddy told Big that she was her birthday present. Sister Big believed him and took her job very seriously. She has three kids, one husband and a spoiled wiener dog.


I have a friend, we’ll call her Paula. Paula is very funny and keeps us laughing for hours telling one funny story after another. She does a hilarious impression of smokers and you should hear her stories of growing up in a large family! Without even trying, she’s one of the funniest people we know. Until you ask her to be funny. She freezes. She has the “I think I’m going to puke look”. Nothing funny to say. Not one thing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. That’s me right now.


Jill, my oldest daughter, is in town visiting from San Francisco. Jill always has something funny, clever and entertaining to say. She rarely stops talking and what she has to say is generally interesting and colorful. So knowing that Jill is home for the week and wanting to take advantage of her “talents”, Sister Honey Bunch and Sister Sassy call, text and email me: “Hey Sister Big, why don’t you and Jill write something for the Blog this week? Hey, how about today? That would be great if you two would write something. Can you do it now”! I reluctantly agree, not really hearing the “now” and “today” parts of the request. I think Jill and I have a couple of days to be clever together. Jill may not need the prep time, but I sure do!

We get home from the gym, Jill showers and heads out to have dinner with friends, after which she’s meeting more friends, and I know what that means. Jill will be coming home long after I’ve gone to bed and most likely just before I wake up for work. Then the phone rings. It’s Sister Sassy with some words about blogging and some suggestions for Jill’s “sister name”. (none of which meet Jill’s approval by the way). I say, “uh huh, yes, okay, right, uh huh, okay, bye”. Then, Sister Honey Bunch calls, with some NAGGING about the blog. Blog, blog, blog. I get it. I say, “uh huh, okay, yeah, right, yes, OKAY, WE’LL DO IT TOMORROW!” For some reason, these last four words get a rise out of Honey Bunch and she exclaims, “you have to do it tonight. I’m sleeping with the homeless tonight and am counting on you two for tomorrows post”. Who’s the big sister here? These two certain-certains get a blog and get all bossy. I will not be intimidated. I will not succumb to the blog pressure.
Jill’s at dinner with friends. I have nothing to say, just like Paula…