Yeah, His Eye Aint Always So Queer

My lovah (AKA my husband Tom) and I were walking out of the grocery store yesterday afternoon. We were chatting about our fabulous weekend and what we needed to do when we got home.

Pretty much he was planning on grilling our dinner (as he should) and hanging our new 2-person swing (AKA the lovehs swang) .

I was planning on watching him do those things with a nice refreshing beverage. Then we were going to take Logan out for ice cream.

I happened to glance over at Tom and saw that my husband....the man who has given me such savvy fashion advice...was wearing two different sets of plaids.

A large-plaid shirt and smaller-plaid shorts.

Oh. Mah. Gawt. I don't know that I'll ever listen to him again.

And also? Can someone please tell me why my lashes have suddenly refused to curl? Seriously. These bad boys are STICK straight. I looked at my eyelash curler and it doesn't appear to have been tampered with. I look like I took a straight iron to my lashes. I'm afraid I might poke out Logan's eye when I give him some snuggles tonight. Seriously.
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Let's Get Fit: Week We're-Almost-There, Yo.

Remember when I fell on account of not being able to judge my girth? I was working in Logan's bedroom and forgot that I'm not a size six, lost my balance and fell. Hard. Memba that?

I was horrified. I was in pain and I cried like a baby. Then I decided I was sick and tired of not taking good care of myself and I wasn't going to put up with it anymore.

Thus began (I just used "thus". My 8th grade English teacher would be so proud) our 8 Week Challenge.

We decided to start getting fit from the inside out. We have been exercising. We are choosing better foods. We have taken off the coats from our past and stopped believing we are still "that person".

Even when it got hard, when we slipped up, we have continued to work at improving our lives physically and emotionally. Even if we (and by "we", I mean "I") are 40 and it is just. so. much. harder because the scale will. not. move. We (I) push forward.

And now it's time to pat ourselves on the back for powering through five long weeks.

Sassy is going to get a massage. I bought some clothes for my NEW JOB! And now I'm going to go shoe shopping. Because who doesn't love shoes?

The company I'll be working for at my NEW JOB! has a very casual environment and I am kind of struggling with the shoe options. I'm going to choose some sandals of course, but I'm in Northern Michigan and it's still a bit chilly.

The obvious answer is for me to buy some flats. But it brings some very vivid 1980's flashbacks that I am afraid to repeat.

I had flats in every color and I wore a pair that matched my very brightly-colored shirt or sweater(with shoulder pads thank you) every day. I thought I looked really good with my tight-rolled jeans and pearl necklaces.

I consulted the expert(our niece Rachel)and she said,

"Get thee some flats".

Or she would have said that if these were the olden days in New England. Instead she said,

"Yeah. Go with the flats. But not those open toed ones. Because then your big toe will stick out and you'll look like an old lady".

Thank you Rachel.

Here are the ones I really like. And can I just say that shoes? They can be ridiculously expensive.



























at's thmyou





























So... Did you reward yourself like you said you would?

If you want some frump fighting tips, go see Fussy.

Dude.

Tom and Logan were playing football in the backyard when I got home from Mass Sunday night. Tom walked in as I was putting my purse away and said,

"I've been thinking about the suit you're wearing to your interview tomorrow.

Why don't you go with your tailored white blouse and silver jewelry instead?"

Oh. My. Goodness. Exactly when did my husband completely morph into Tim Gunn's bff? It's really starting to freak me out. If you haven't read about my straight guy's queer eye, check out these posts.

He's actually been spot-on with his fashion advice. This, from the man who still has his 1980's Izods and Members Only jacket. Not that I let him wear that jacket. Or those shirts. But still.

The really cool thing is that Tom looked in my closet and realized that when I say I have nothing to wear, it is the sad, sorry truth. This is due in large part to the fact that I bagged up every item that I hate, never wear or is too big or too small. They are now at Goodwill. And my closet? She is bare.

I'm going shopping next week with Tom's blessing and some cold, hard cash. So that worked out pretty well for me.

You know what else worked out for me? Using my trusty glue gun to hem my pants for my interview. I told Sister Big that if our mother was dead she would turn over in her grave if she saw me doing such a thing. I guess I was wrong though, because I confessed and my mom just laughed and asked why I didn't use seamstress tape instead. I didn't know there was such a thing.

And the interview Monday? Was phenomenal. Thank you for you prayers and thoughts. I will know more next week. This week? It's gonna be a long one. (And the question marks in this post? They are abundant.)

For more WFMW tips, go see Shannon.
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Oh, Let's Fight This Frump!

This week two of my faves-Dr. Melissa and Rachel Lucas-each wrote about Miss England contender Chloe Marshall.

Chloe is beautiful, has a stunning smile and a gorgeous curvy body. She wears a size 16, which makes her a big fat cow according to some in the media. They're nice that way.

This made me think about my post earlier this week where I talked about what I would do if I wasn't afraid. One of the things is that I would stop hiding behind my kid on our boat and at the beach.

While I do need to lose some weight, why do I obsess over the size I wear all. the. time? Why can't I just accept myself as I am?

Others commented to me and Sassy about having the same issue. They want to lose weight. They aren't happy with how they look. They're uncomfortable in their own skin.

I do need to work on becoming more fit, but I don't need to be comparing myself to those skinny Olsen twins either. And neither do you.

So this week's Frump Fighting Challenge is just this: Embrace yourself right now. Right where you are.

Wear clothes that make you feel good. Who cares what size they are?

Go out with your husband or boyfriend and don't hide behind your big ol' bag. (Come on, you know you do that. )

Decide NOT to stay home because your old friends will notice you gained a few pounds this winter.

Live. Your. Life. And don't let the media, Hollywood, or anyone else make you feel "less than". Amen?

And for more Frump Fighting tips, go see Fussy. If you want to learn more about body acceptance, check out BFD.


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Here Comes Peter Frumpin' Tail

Ya'll know what I'm going to talk about don't you? The Easter Dress. And oh. mah. gaw. the Easter Bonnet. Ladies. I know I'm walking on sacred ground. Your mama's mama bought you your first frilly pink Easter dress with all the pretty ribbons and the big beautiful bonnet. And thus began the tradition. But you were six. And now. Now? You're not six.

And you don't want to look like the Easter Bunny devoured a giant bag of cotton candy and threw up all over you. That is often the scene at Easter Sunday services and brunches across the country, now isn't it?

Grown women covered in pinks and lilacs and frills and ribbons and tulle. And wearing a big ol' bonnet. I just have to say that unless you are under the age of 10, or are at the Kentucky Derby, or are having tea with the Queen of England...don't wear wear a big ol' Easter Bonnet with a shiny ribbon tied around it.

You can still buy a special dress and get all gussied up to go honor the sacrifice of our Lord at church this Sunday. But let's do it a little bit different this year.

Say goodbye to these:

And try something more like these.



Aren't they pretty? I especially like that skirt.

If you're anything like me, you really don't want to buy something brand new.

Instead, I went to my favorite resale shop this week and bought this cute outfit. I love how the cropped pants actually hit me where they're supposed to. And would you check out how sweet that lining is on the jacket? Mmmm hmmmm. I love it too.

Since it's still pretty cold here, this will do nicely for my Easter Sunday needs. I'll just pair it with a pretty cami with a little lace edging along the hem and some Sister Big (who really just calls Rachie Roo) approved shoes. This outfit was only $12.95. Can't beat that.

















And here is what my little Logan will be wearing-also purchased at the resale shop for only $7.00. Won't he be handsome?



Now get on over to Fussy's for some Frump Fighting tips. And don't forget to scroll down and check out Sassy's latest edition of Fiction Friday.

And you have yourself a fabulous Easter. And if you wear a pink-lace-tulle-big-bowed get-up, I'll still be your friend. Just not this Sunday, mmm'k?

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My Straight Guy's Queer Eye

A couple years ago I thought it would be fun to grow my hair out. I have always had very short hair and while my husband seemed to dig me, I knew he wanted it longer. Because I am such a loving wife (and was kind of bored with it myself) I spent two. long. years. growing it out.

Instead of making me feel all feminine and pretty, my curly, long hair made me feel like a big old frumpity-dump. I didn't feel like myself. Plus, I hated nothing more than finding long hairs all over the house, in my purse, my car, on my clothes. And the grossness that was my bathroom after a blow dry? I won't even talk about that.

When I told my husband I had scheduled a hair appointment, he made one request, which really threw me. Because I don't think anyone has ever really had a say in my hairstyle decisions since I was 10 and I got the Dorthy Hamill 'do. Not to mention the fact that I got married when I was 34, and that just ain't the way I roll. But I "listened" to his suggestions.

Tom asked me to have Ginger cut my hair so that I had "a few whispies" along the side and back. I didn't get what he was trying to explain to me. So the man DREW me a picture. Of how I should cut my hair. I thought it was a cute thing to do and very, very funny.

I arrived at my appointment without the picture but I shared the story with Ginger. When I laughingly told her about the "whispies", she said (and I quote) "Yes! Exactly! I was thinking whispies too!". So apparently Tom should join forces with Tim Gunn and help women everywhere look more beautiful.

And because some people won't shut up about it, here are my before and after pictures.

BEFORE:

And, After!

(Pardon the self-portrait and baggy eyes.)

For more Fight The Frump tips, go see Fussy!
And check out Sassy's Fiction Friday here!








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Do You Have Affluenza?

Last Sunday I learned about a vicious disease called Affluenza. A horrible illness that has struck most Americans and leaves them debilitated.

It starts with an burning sensation, usually around the pocket area where you keep your wallet, then it creeps into your world, causing distress and emptiness. This illness causes perfectly normal people to feel perfectly unhappy and dissatisfied with their life. The symptoms include the drive to accumulate "stuff", the burning need to "keep up with the Joneses" and the all consuming fixation with having more than. Do you have Affluenza?

We were challenged to imagine that we were told we had to leave in 10 minutes because of some great disaster. We could only grab three things and whatever it was it had to be something we could carry. I racked my brain to think of what three things I'd bring and all I could think about was if a pack of diapers and a pack of wipes would be considered one item each or if each diaper counted as one.

Then I started trying to figure out what I'd do with a child who poops WAY TOO MUCH (I have one that poops too little, and one that poops all the freaking time), would I get the baby underpants and just wash those? I guess he'd get potty trained much quicker. After a few minutes I stopped thinking about poopy children and started listening to the sermon again. And this is what I took from it.

Mostly, we could look around our homes and realize that we could live without pretty much all of it. Most of it is just "stuff". He read a passage from this book that I can't remember the name of but if you really really want to know email me and I'll find out for you. It was called something like Following Jesus in a Consumer Driven Society and it pretty much said this.

If you wake up and feel joy from sitting in your backyard in the sunlight listening to the birds sing, enjoy sitting with friends and talking, have a healthy happy sex and marital life, get pleasure from watching your children playing...well, then, in our society you are considered useless because you haven't spent a dime yet.

On the other hand, if you are unhappy, empty in your friendships and your marital life, if you are stressed by your family and children are feel empty inside. Well, likely, you'll go looking for something at Target or Nordstrom to fill that void. And you'll be more valued in our world.

Every ad out there on TV and in Magazines will be directed at you and will tell you that you are not complete without pictured item. Essentially, it says "take Prada bag and insert in mass void that is your life" And we buy in to it.

So I've been thinking about this. The constant drive to get more "stuff" and how bad our mass consumption and wastefulness can be as a culture. And then I started thinking about the Frump posts as well and how much of what we post about frump involves shopping for the right stuff.

And I was wondering how someone can work on following all the non-frump rules while reducing consumption and not accumulating more "stuff". Besides, many people might not feel like they can go out and buy a brand new wardrobe or perhaps they are trying to cut down on their consumption.

Or maybe this post will make you think about cutting down on yours. Because what I'm hoping to show you is that you can get some perfectly unfrumpy "stuff" second hand and why second hand is a really good option.

Sarah mentioned last week in HB's comments that she is losing weight and doesn't want to go buy a new wardrobe when she isn't at her goal size. Yet, she does want to look good as she is now, dressed in Non-character t-shirts and not wearing skinny jeans of course (I do read the frump posts, thank you-even if I wear the occasional t-shirt that is on the What Not to Wear list).

Anyway, my suggestion is to check out your local thrift store or consignment shop. And if you go the way of thrift you will also be helping out a worthy cause. Even better, when you go, take your bag of old frumpy clothes with you and leave them there. That way you're keeping your accumulation of stuff at a minimum and helping out a good cause at the same time! Everybody wins!

Now let me tell you about my thrift experience on Sunday morning. I've been in need of a pair of dark brown pants for awhile now. What did I see at my local Goodwill but a pair of nice brown dress pants in MY size (well, a little big, I guess the running is working) and get this-ALREADY HEMMED! JimmyEW said "You can't find that at the mall!" and that is for sure. The best part? They were pink tags so they were 50% off and ended up costing me less than $2.

I also got a pair of flawless Old Navy jeans in my size and length! Those were $6. And I almost got these boots-if they'd only been 1/2 size bigger I would have gotten them. They'd look awesome with my brown argyle tights and my brown cord skirt.

While I was there I saw these brand new shoes for only $3 and change. Many non-profit thrift stores have deals with local retailers to take the items that don't sell. So

you get a good deal on a never worn pair of shoes. Nice huh?

What does shopping thrift have to do with Affluenza and consumption? I would say that shopping thrift is like an inoculation against Affluenza because even if you are getting some very high end chic things, you still know that you didn't pay full price and that someone else wore it first. And knowing is half the battle.

But also the great thing about shopping this way is that you are helping keep stuff out of the landfills by purchasing them and loving them as your own. AND you're also not directly supporting companies that use child labor or sweat shops. Sure the top you bought at the thrift store may have been made by a 10-year-old somewhere, but your money isn't going to that company in any way shape or form so you can wear your goods with a clean conscious. This can also work for those people who love their leather but don't like the thought of some poor cow giving up it's skin.

So I guess my point is, you may already have a ton of stuff but I'm sure there is more stuff you need or want. And we drive ourselves further into debt trying to get these things that we probably don't need which leads us down the path of Allfluenza. So reuse, buy used and leave some stuff of your own there when you do it.

For other ideas about living simply check out The Simple Family and Nester and I'm sure there are a ton of other ones out there. If you know of a good site let me know!

AND for some great tips for daily living go see ROCKS IN MY DRYER.

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Fight the Frump: Dress For Your Body (not mine)

Today's Frump Fighting Tips come from my beautiful (would you just look at her over there!) and fashion-savvy niece Rachie Roo. She's Sister Big's middle child and considers me her favorite aunt. (Sssshhhh. Don't tell Sassy.) (Or Seven, Auquafina, Redd, Mary Elephant Sunshine, etc). They might have hurt feelings.

I don't pretend to always know what trends to follow. (Or how to do my hair. But we'll save that for next week.) I usually call Sister Big for advice. Big watches What Not to Wear religiously and seems to think she can guide me like a true fashion consultant. But I know the truth.

I'm pretty sure Big gets on the phone with Rachie who then gives her the answers to my pathetic questions about trouser jeans and whatnot. Sister Big calls me back and I do whatever she says. I'm easy that way.

Today I thought it would be nice if you could also benefit from our resident expert. I asked Rachie Roo for her best Frump Fighting advice and here's what she had to say:
"Lots of people buy trendy clothes that don't flatter their body. Skinny jeans are a good example. I don't think anyone should wear them, but if you have to you should probably be about 5'9 and weigh 130 lbs.

Ignore trends and sizes and buy what suits your body type. Don't buy jeans too tight that they squeeze you just because you don't want to buy the next size up. (You can always change the tag like Jerry did on Seinfeld!)

I attached some pictures I found. Glamour has a good website for fashion tips and what not if you need some in the future. And Auntie Honey Bunch, you are my favorite."

FASHION "DO"
Dress for your body type.

But no matter how pretty your bum may be, just don't.

For more Fight Frump tips, Fussy will hook you up.
And don't forget to scroll down for this week's Fiction Friday by Sister Sassy.

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Dude, Let's Fight Some Frump.

It's Fight The Frump Friday sponsored by Fussy! This week we're turning it over to the experts: My girlfriends. I asked a few of them to share with me their Tried and True beauty secrets. And they did. Because they're nice.





Pretty Amanda loves these Bath Ice Creams "I LOVE these bath ice creams. I just can't say enough good things about them. After you use one your skin is luxuriously soft!"

My Girl Kelly loves her some Neutrogena Sesame Oil "Every time you get out of the shower, slather all over body, your skin will be softer than a baby's. Also slather all over bare legs in summer for a gorgeous sheen." (Go check out her business website here)


Funny Jenn wonders "Is it sad that my beauty tip involves making it so I only have "a few zits" instead of having my face covered with them? The thing I've shared before about a free and clear cleanser, followed by benzoyl peroxide and AHA moisturizer." (Check out Jenn's really cool Kids Craft site here)

My Girl Kelly is back with more tips to share. We all look to her for advice on all things beauty and fashion. Because she's our guru. "Another one: get highlights and Crest White Strips. Everyone can benefit from shinier brighter hair and whiter teeth."


Theresa, the Dancing Queen "OK, so my one can't live without product is Lubriderm lotion. It works great on the face and body... and it is a wonderful make-up remover. I love Mary Kay eye make-up remover, but if I'm out (like now) then a cotton ball w/Lubriderm swiped across the lash does nearly as well."

My Hero Christa: "I love Aveeno Skin Brightener with SPF. Makes my face really soft and gives some nice sun proof coverage even in the winter!"




Hey, Kelly's back again! Isn't she nice? "Only wash your hair every 2nd or 3rd day - it will be much healthier. The less you wash it, the less greasy it gets .... the first week you might notice it greasy etc but the second week you'll start to notice that it stays cleaner longer and longer between washings. My hair dresser convinced me to try it -- it took about 2 weeks of "icky" feeling but now I can easily go every 3 days without it getting greasy. (I shower daily mind you - sometimes twice a day! so don't think I'm dirty."

Alison the Hottie: "GOOD JEANS make all the difference. It might not be your typical "beauty" treatment, but damn, do I feel sexy in my good jeans!"

Sweet Shelly: "I'm pretty plain Jane when it comes to products. I've always taken my makeup off with water and washcloth and apply Vaseline lotion after each shower and petroleum jelly on my lips at night. I might have to try a few of the above mentioned though." (Tom does the same thing every night!)

Too Cool for School Kristn: "Using blush for eyeshadow. I use Physician's Formula Blushing Glow Mineral Blush. It can be used as a primer for putting on the rest of your eyeshadow, or alone for natural, but polished, look. Just put a touch on your blush brush and apply over the entire lid. (That's all I've got on in the pic below, btw...well, that and a bit of dark eyeshadow on the eyebrows...well, and the lipstick, but we're not really talking about lipstick)"

Best-Hair-Evah Danielle: "I only wash my hair every other or every 2 days as well - if I wash more often it gets very dry. That plus my Pantene conditioner and a huge round brush (like, really huge) while blow drying makes my hair shiny, manageable, have no frizz and lots of body. (I don't do this every single time out of laziness, but it makes the biggest difference evah when I do.)

As for makeup, I use 3 items after my moisturizer - mineral makeup (a must for me!), nude or nearly-nude lip color and mascara. Less is more for a fresh, clean and natural look. And then I swear by the Hope in a Jar moisturizer by Philosophy." (Go check out her web and print design biz here)

Sweet Marysia: "I wish I had a lot to share but Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Lotion for the body. It says it moisturizes for 24 hours and it sure does."



Look who's back! It's Kelly with a big ol' Fashion DON'T:

"From pagesix.com: Would you pay $3,600 to walk on your tippy-toes? Victoria Beckham already has a pair of these Antonio Beradri 5-and-a-half-inch heel-less heels in snakeskin, while Gwyneth Paltrow and Uma Thurman purchased a patent leather version at the bargain price of $2,200, according to the Daily Mail. An open request: If you see these leading ladies wearing this latest investment, buy them a cocktail, grab a camera and call us!

You wish you had friends like mine, don't you?

Well, head back over to Fussy's for more Fight The Frump fashion help.

And if you're looking for something really good to read, check out the story above and then go to Fiction Friday with Jane the Sane.
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