Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Didja Know I'm a Dork.com

I made it through my first week at work. As fabulous as the company seems, and as nice and friendly as everyone is, I still managed to embarrass myself numerous, numerous times. In really awful ways.

<--- This is me. I'm professional, and gracious, and very cool, if I do say so myself. I usually walk through life feeling pretty darned OK about myself. And sometimes? Sometimes God decides to be all funny and put me in my place. There is just no other explanation.

I'll just go through the list of the most embarrassing things I did. This is-by far-not a full accounting of all the faux pas of my first week at my new job. Not by a long doggone shot.

1. My first couple of days consisted of company orientation and training on our intranet, phone system and the like. After lunch Monday afternoon I had a three hour session and I was going to be a few minutes early. I decided to just go down early and get settled in and wait. I got to the training room and saw that there were already a few people also waiting for our session to begin. I strolled in all,

"Hi! How are you all doing? Looks like we're all a bit early, huh?"

Which was met by stares. Proceeded by a voice saying,

"Um, we'll be finished up here in just a few minutes then your class will begin."


2. I sat down at the conference table for my first departmental meeting. I was feeling pretty good about how the day was going, how much I will enjoy working in this department and what I will eventually have to offer my team. Then. THEN. I felt a breeze, if you will. I looked down and realized I had some XYZ-PDQ going on. Allll the waaay down. Nice.

3. My new boss had me accompany her to a meeting so I could get a taste for the company, our goals and how we operate. I was hungry. My hunger made itself loudly apparent. During the meeting. In front of everyone. Including my boss. Did I mention how loud it was?

4. A guy in my department was sick. He was blowing his nose, taking medicine, looking a bit like death warmed over. His eyes seemed a bit watery-you know how eyes look when you're sick, right?

I wanted to commiserate with him because I'm the new girl and I need to make some friends. Plus, I felt bad for him. As we were chatting, I said,

"Yeah, I can tell you don't feel good because your eyes are all glassy."

And he said, "Well, one eye is fake."

I am making such a great impression.

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Valarie said...

Ok that last one is funny!

Sarah said...

love the glassy eye comment. You are too much. Glad your first week is going well!

Back to my piles. I just made it home from the grocery store and realized the one thing I needed the most (laundry detergent - I forgot!)

saintseester said...

Is it wrong to laugh at the glassy eye? Because, I just about busted a gut on that one.

Ashlee said...

Well, at least everyone is going to remember who you are. :0)

Sister Sassy said...

You really need a pic of a glass eye for this one. That was so funny.

Hairline Fracture said...

The glass eye is a classic! You couldn't have known that was coming, though.

kspin said...

I've read this twice now and I still laughed at the glass eye line! So funny!

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Oh, Honeybunch, huge hugs! Those first weeks are never easy. They make great blogging material, though. ;-)

Well Behaved Krissy said...


Melissa said...

That glass eye comment reminds me of a guy I knew in college, who had a glass eye, and liked nothing more than to pull it out and gross out unsuspecting girls.

And no, he didn't date much.

High Hopes said...

Ooops! Who knew he had a glass eye. My dd's godfather has a glass eye and it used to weird me out, it was almost like he was staring at you all the time, kinda of like when you look at a picture and the eyes seem to follow you.

It sounds like you like your new job though! Hang in!