My dream is to have a job where I have a bathroom of my very own. One that doesn't have anyone else's butt cooties on the seat, where I don't see morsels floating around, where I can go and eliminate in peace.
I work on the third floor of a building...ok, really its the basement, but if you turned it upside-down, it'd be the third floor.. Almost no one else works on this floor, just me and a handful of people. There are only 4 girls on this floor so would could deduce that there would only be 4 females that use the girls bathroom. Not so.
Its become kind of a game between the girls on my floor. Guessing which person is coming down to destroy the sanctity of our restroom. We always seem to decide its the poor tech guy who works on the third floor, but we don't have proof.
Last week someone left something so terrible that I screamed and ran out with my eyes watering. I'm not kidding. I made my co-worker come back with me so I wouldn't be alone when I flushed it with my foot. Just in case there was something alive in there.
Other odd things happen in our bathroom. The tank top suddenly cracked and was broken, then would move around from sink to toilet to sink upside down holding soap like a dispenser to disappearing all together. Then returning with some glue. The heater in the bathroom (yes there is one, probably because of the shower), is almost ALWAYS on. The ladies down here complain constantly of turning that heater off a gazillion times a day. Yet, each time we go in...its on. Then there was the day I went in to find the shower just randomly on. That was weird.
My favorite part of our bathroom is running out of toilet paper, having to dance the pee dance while begging the guy with the key to get up RIGHT NOW and unlock the TP closet. Guys just don't understand how much tp girls use.
I wonder if there are potty poltergeists. Little angry spirits that run around bathrooms and steal our toilet paper, create stench and put the chair in the shower during times of the year where I feel particularly frazzled. A suggestion, I'm sure.
Actually, I'm pretty sure that one was my boss, he referenced me hanging myself and I figure he thought he was being helpful. Bastard.
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