Saturday, January 26, 2008

The Postman Always Poops Once and other ramblings

I recently started my new position as a property manager for a luxury condominium community. My office is located inside a beautiful clubhouse where the fireplace is always warm and cozy and happy music is playing in the background. You will usually find me in my office enjoying a nice cup of coffee with my favorite creamer as I go about my daily tasks of running the joint.

Before this job I was in outside sales. The money was great, it was always exciting and challenging. After awhile, though the stress made my eye twitch, my heart race and I transformed into an awful wife and mom. Plus in the winter my feet were always cold. Always. So I left the world of B2B sales and came to this less stressful environment.

This job is a piece of cake and in this economy I am very grateful to be making decent money, receiving generous benefits and not having a boss in the near vicinity. But I'm bored. You can usually catch me watching Oprah out my office door in the afternoon wishing someone would come in needing my expertise. About anything. Heck, I'd help them fill out grocery list if they asked.

The monotony of my day is broken up by my friendly mailman. The first time I met him he introduced himself, gave me my mail and took off around the corner in the opposite direction of the door. I figured he was thirsty. The man seemed to be thirsty every single day.

I happened to follow him out of my office one afternoon and realized he was not walking to the kitchen to get a sip of water or a cup of coffee. Oh no. He was stopping in the men's room. And staying there a really long time. Apparently my mailman's biological clock is set to occur every day at my stop. He is doing his business in my office with no embarrassment or apologies. Every day.

And, can I just point out how very different women are in this regard? When I worked for a company that had a unisex restroom (Stupidest. Idea. Ever.) my friend TK and I would go to the Shell station to take care of our business. It was done privately and discreetly. I cringe now every day when I see the mail truck pull up. I just know way too much about the poor guy now.

Speaking of which, this reminds me of the very funny chapter book Logan and I are reading this week. It's part of a series and if you have a typical boy with "boy" humor, he will love to read Captain Underpants And The Perilous Plot Of Professor Poopypants (Captain Underpants) We've been reading this all week and it has just been a hoot. I'm sensing a pattern here.

(When I picked Logan up from school this week, he announced that he likes to pee in the snow in our backyard (When, son? And why?) Curious, I asked him why. He said simply, "No flush. No wash". It seems that part of the bathroom visit has been cramping his style.)

The time has come for me to address a very serious topic. I would like to share with you an important lesson I learned this week. (Please pay attention so that you never have to go through the pain and frustration that I experienced.)

It's about shoes, my friends. And missing out on really really good sales. I am not a fan of shopping just for the sake of shopping. That's just not my nature. But I love a cute shoe and I live for a good deal.

I went to the mall with my friend Kali and was devastated to learn that I was a day late and a dollar short. There was a sale that I did not know about.

If you are like me and not a regular shopper, you are not informed about upcoming sales and special stock that is scheduled to arrive in your favorite shops. You do not have the opportunity to make friends with the sales person who will be earning a nice commission check off your purchases.

Really bad things can happen when you are not privy to this information.

Like this. Would you just look at these adorable shoes I missed out on! They are only $25.00. Twenty. Five. Dollars. And they are soft and supple and cute and cheap.

If I wore a size 10, I would be in cute-shoe heaven. But, I do not, so I am not.

Kali and I also found some Uggs marked down from $250.00 to $60.00. Again, if I had big ol' giant Sasquatch feet I would have been a shoe-in (I am so sorry. I just had to use that pun). Unfortunately, I have delicate and adorable size 7 feet. As do all the skinny, heavy-diamond wearing, Mercedes-driving, nanny-hiring, house cleaner-employing, spa-treatment-getting, lettuce-eating women who have the time to flit about the mall and snatch these bad boys up before I get there.

It wasn't all bad though. Just take a peek at what I found for my bedroom? It's at TJ Maxx and it's on clearance for only $15.00. My husband (unlike a lot of husbands) actually enjoys being a part of the process of selecting paint colors, flooring, furniture and paintings. We usually agree on our choices and have fun doing this together. I took a picture of this to make sure he liked it too. He's a bit iffy. What do you think? I think it's fab.

On a final note I have some celebrity news. It's been a somber week with Heath Ledger dying, messed-up Brittney losing custody of her two sons, Lindsay having to work in a morgue as part of her parole requirements.

Let's talk about something happy now.

Have you ever watched that TLC show about the Duggar family? They have 17 biological children (whose names all start with the letter J). Michelle Duggar is a very happy, laid back mom who runs a tight ship, home schools her children and has a debt-free household. Well, she finally got rid of her really big hair. This is cause for celebration. All of the moms around the world are rejoicing for this one sister who has been saved from outdated hair. Amen, and have a great day.

What's that? You want to comment? Just click on the itty-bitty words below that say "Gimme Some Sugar". Can you see them? Good. We can't wait to chat with you.


Wade Huntsinger said...

Stress free jobs are the best. As for the mailman that is something that everyone has to deal with, even the president of the US. Now, that is funny. In today's economy anyone should be glad for a job and not losing it all. I'll bypass the shoes because quite frankly I am a guy and could care less. (My fashion is whatever Tc buys me) Now for the importnat part. It saddens me to see you ladies cutting off all your glory.(Old Testament quote) I say it is easier I guess but I long for the days of the 80's and big hair. But I guess all good thing come to an end. TC is going through a stage of letting it grow "one last time" Whew weeeee
You crazy Michigan people have a great weekend

Sister Honey Bunch said...

Thanks Wade! Hey, I'm in the process of growing my hair out myself. I've got nothing against long and stylish hair.

You have a good weekend too!

Sister Sassy said...

I feel your bathroom woes. We suspect that everyone in the building comes to our bathroom to poop since it's discreet, just not to us who have to go in there and fight over who's going to try to remove the treadmark left behind. YUCK!

Meg said...

Oh my.
And I thought our mailman, who tends to get into lengthy discussions about his weekend partying and booze booze and more booze, was bad. You have me beat.
I don't think that's a good thing...

Ashlee said...

I was in property management as well. For an apartment community. Though I wish my job had been as boring as you say yours is...minus the poopy postman.
And my son has read ALL of the Captain Underpants books and wishes there were more. He giggles through all of them, and comes to me with the "best" parts. Sigh. Boys....
I have seen that show on TLC before and am SOOOO glad she chopped her haif off. It was BAD. VERY BAD.
I love shoes. So much. I have about 40 pairs and counting...but like you I'm not a browser. With kids, who has time to drag them to 20 stores in search of a deal? So, my purchases are usually made at Target, or Payless...sigh. The stores I'm in already. Ocassionaly I get out and find a fab pair of shoes. It's great!

saintseester said...

Wade, it is so funny how many guys I know long for the "80s" look. Boy, I do have the hair capability. And Sister, we, too, are Captain Underpants fans.

Sister Honey Bunch said...


My mailman has gotten very comfortable with me. He now sits down to chat before heading to the bathroom.


I have been in property management for a looong time (minus the break when I went into outside sales). Never was I ever not busy at the other properties.

Saint Seester,

Captain Underpants rocks!

amanda said...

I've never been so happy as to see that Michelle Duggar got rid of her outrageous hair. I was tired of feeling bad on hating on her for it inside my head when she seems so nice and genuine. I'm very sad you missed out on those shoes. And--about the postman..too funny. When I was younger I worked at a retail store, and when I had to go I'd walk over to the bigger retail store next door and just use their bathroom.

alwayssomethin said...

Hey, I have giant feet, maybe you could buy me those fabulously cute shoes and send them to me. I have a whole host of bathroom issues. Filled an entire blog post about bathroom etiquette.

mom of 2 said...

Travis is currently reading Captain Underpants books. He just finished one about a booger boy and absolutely loved it. I'm thankful for books that boys can enjoy too. It seems there are far too many chapter books aimed at girls.

Hallelujah for the lady getting a haircut! I've watched documentary style shows about that family and they completely amaze me. I can't even begin to imagine what my body would be like after 17's bad enough after 2!

mom of 2 said...

Oh, and the postman...ewwww!!!

aureille said...

We love Captian Underpants too! Very funny books and something my boys will actually pick up and read on their own!

I love your mailman story.

Sarabeth said...

So don't like doing the necessary in a public bathroom. So don't like it.

Blog Hopping--HP

Christine said...

am laughing so hard about the mailman. great post

happy bloghoppin

Tara R. said...

The mailman thing... more than a little creepy.

Etcetera - blog hopper

BookMamma Buys the Next Round said...

It is such a relief to see that Mama Duggar cut that glam-rock mane! That's cause to buy another round!!

Brother Jimmy Eat World said...

Good Post, I am so picturing Newman using your bathroom at work, Every Single Day, too funny!