Tuesday, February 26, 2008

My "TOWANDA Moment" at the Hair Salon

At the end of Fried Green Tomatoes, Kathy Bates character finally comes into her own. She has been meek and mild and has never stood up for herself. Until she starts to pull into a parking space and two young girls steal it out from under her. She's had it, and she's not taking it anymore. She rams her car into theirs. When the girls confront her she tells them she's older and has better insurance and speeds off. I love that scene.

Here, watch it for yourself.

I have always been fairly confident, but oddly enough I have a hard time standing up for myself. It's weird, I know.

The first time I remember it being a problem I was about seven. I was at the county fair and was playing one of those games where you place your coin on a number. The carnie spins a wheel and if it stops on the number you have chosen, you win the prize. I slid my coin across to the number I was sure would win me the pretty pink stuffed bunny.

But then an older kid placed his hand on my coin and moved it to a number in front of him. He did this looking me straight in the eyes and with a smile on his face. I felt rage. I felt intimidation and fear. And I walked away. Which made me feel powerless. I hated that.


Over the years, I have had instances where the fear of confrontation rendered me mute. Me. Mute! Instead of defending myself or my position, I would walk away. But that's not what I did Saturday. Saturday was different.

Sassy and I were asked to model in a hair show along with about 15 other men and women. The show was going to take place at a new brewery and it was going to be a grand opening extravaganza. The place would be packed with cute young 2o-something boys drinking their beer and checking out the runway. I'm 40. I'm married. And I'm in the middle of a 10-week challenge to make me a MILF. I ain't there yet and I wasn't looking forward to this event. But I figured I would get my up-do and then have fun with some girlfriends after strutting my stuff.


We were instructed to wear something black on top and whatever we wanted on the bottom half. I had chosen my cute new jeans, black heels and my black pashmina. I thought Sassy and I looked cute until we walked in the door.


One of Sassy's acquaintances greeted us by yelling at Sassy that her shoes were hideous and she better not be wearing them in the show. This made me livid. Then she said something very rude to me about my appearance and the clothes I was wearing. She shouted it from across the salon, causing people to turn and look at me. I was immediately self-conscious. I felt ugly and out of place and "less than". But I didn't feel weak.

I walked up to her and quietly said "You are the most offensive person I have ever met". And I walked away. Then I called my friend Laurene and asked her to come bust me out of the joint.

While I was sitting in the corner on the phone, the little princess proceeded to shout that I was being rude. It seems she had correctly assumed that I was explaining to Laurene the situation at hand. How that was rude, I'm not sure. What I am sure of, is that it made her look silly and classless.

But me, I got my power back.
Because as crappy as that girl made me feel, it was one of the best things to happen because I actually stood up for myself.

Don't be messing with Sister Honey Bunch because I'll go all Kathy Bates on you. And then
I'll go out with my friend for some vanilla stoli and diet coke with a side of seven-layer dip and chips.




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23 comments:

Momma Mary said...

You GO! I am the same way, usually just let people walk on me. I am SO glad you stood up for yourself! That is what will truly make you a MILF!

High Hopes said...

Rock on Sister Honey Bunch! Every once in awhile the courage comes up from somewhere like in the old movie where they yell out the windows "I'm mad as hell and not going to take it anymore!"

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

With age comes wisdom. ;-)

Rock On!

dlyn said...

Wow - this is an adult [sorta] version of the girls Bossy's daughter wrote about - guess some never outgrow it. Kudos for showing them your backside [well not literally probably]

Ashlee said...

I used to be the same way. I never stood up for myself. I just inwardly seethed some serious rage. My divorce took care of that. :0) Boy did I learn to speak up for myself. I wasn't going to be pushed around ANY MORE! I love that feeling. Glad you got to experience it! It's like a natural high. Wahoo!

Sister Sassy said...

I was really bummed you didn't stick around. I was even more bummed that I got to have the janitor as the hairstylist instead of the amazing C.

And for all of you out there, I had a little talk with the young lady and she was in tears by the end (not because I was mean but because she felt bad). I think this is a learning experience for many.

janethesane said...

Props to you for reacting calmly. I probably would have wanted to grind Ms. Thing into the spittle covered sawdust. Assuming there was sawdust and that guys were chewing and spitting on the floor. Which they probably weren't. Oh well. I am sure you looked fabulous.

Sassy - Out of curiosity...why did the janitor do your hair?

Sister Sassy said...

Jane, although he is a janitor, he is also a stylist two days a week. But most of his trianing was in the 80's and he only recently got back into it. This is why I looked like an 80's prom queen instead of Fabo -but my makeup was kick ass. You'll see the post next week.

Sandy C. said...

Good for you for not stooping to her level and not taking her crap! I too suffer from the "doormat" syndrome in many situations like these....

Little Nothings said...

OHMIGOODNESS! You go girl! I'm glad for you that you stuck up for yourself but I'm still in disbelief that you aren't talking about some scene from a movie! I can not believe that happened, I'm so naive and shocked!

Jen said...

Good for you, girl! I just can't believe there are actually people out there who are so rude and classless. It's so awesome that you put her in her place!

Wade Huntsinger said...

I am constantly amazed at how rude and unfriendly people can be. I am a little surprised that Sassy didn't go with you. Not that it would be bad to stay, I guess both of you showed little Miss Missy.

amanda said...

oh!! I love that scene from Fried Green Tomatoes. LOVE IT. My mother nicknamed me Towanda after seeing this--that's somewhat good and somewhat bad. But some day she will call and say, "are you having a Tawanda day??"

Sister Sassy said...

I couldn't leave because they'd already done over $150 work of color and cut on my hair plus I made a commitment to them. I couldn't back out.

It wasn't the salon's fault that one of their hair models (someone I recruited for them-JimmyEW knows the owner) was totally out of line. They all felt bad. It wouldn't have been right for me to leave.

sarah said...

You are too much! That is great. Stand proud, stand loud. I always think of the perfect comment about 3 hours too late after meekly walking away. Fried Green Tomatoes is one of my all time favorites! Towanda!

Thalia's Child said...

Good on you for standing up for yourself.

I would like to think I would have handled it as gracefully as you, but I probably would have gone completely apeshit on the poor cow. Because I've always been obnoxious like that.

Valarie said...

YOu go girl! I have had a hard time standing up for myself in the past, but I am getting better at it. I have a pretty easy time standing up for others though.

Domestic Chicky said...

My first time here and this is what I have to look forward to?? Fabulous! I love you already!

Lisa said...

yay for you, girlfriend!

I hate it when that happens-
Lisa
coastal nest

workout mommy said...

good for you for standing up for yourself!

I absolutely LOVE that movie, thanks for reminding me how great that scene is!!

Martha said...

Woo Hoooooooo!

You go ON with your bad self, girlfriend!!!!!

I'm proud of you!

xoxox

Brother JimmyEatWorld said...

ROCK ON, HB, ROCK ON! I'm glad you didn't let that one get away.

Carpe Diem, Dammit!!!!!

Miss jane said...

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