Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Martyr or Moxie?

Giving. We give of ourselves all the time, don't we? To our partners, children, family, jobs, friends, churches, social causes. We give time, money, energy, love, resources. The list can go on and on.

But I'd like to know what you give to yourself? It's so easy to get lost in the hole of caring for others that we don't take the time to care for ourselves. I know we even may have a sick little part of us that likes being a little bit of a martyr, a little bit over extended so we can have other feel sorry for us or to feel grateful to us.

We do everything because its just easier to do it ourselves than to try to get others to do it or we're just so used to doing it all, we don't bother to ask. Its easier to for us to do it than to have expectations of others and risk being let down if they don't follow through. Or maybe you just have no one to help you and you really have to do everything yourself. That sucks.


Giving of ourselves, either joyfully or begrudgingly, is exhausting.

And consequently we feel guilt for doing nice things for ourselves. I know I, for a brief moment on Sunday, felt a twinge of guilt for buying a new iPod. I didn't want people to think I was a spoiled princess because my husband was coming to my rescue with a shinny new trinket.


But, I NEED my iP
od. It increases my quality of life exponentially, and I recognize this. I, probably like a lot of people, have a hard time spending money on myself. I'll spend it for everyone else but me. So when I dropped nearly $50 on a new iPod you better believe I felt like I needed it.

But this is what I have to say to you. You are only as good as you believe you are and believe you deserve. If you don't think you're worth taking care of, then you're going to project that image of yourself to others.
Be an inspiration for yourself, love yourself, give to yourself. If you start treating yourself as you treat others I bet you'll see a change in how you feel. Unless you're mean to everyone.. in that case maybe you should X out of here and hope no one saw you.

And if you have children, they will learn to expect what you expect. If you expect nothing they will grow up to expect nothing themselves. You are their text book on how to be an adult, what it means to be a man or woman, remember that you're setting a stage for them.

So, today for our check in, I don't care so much about how you did this last week..ok, I do care, but that isn't my focus. If you did good, wonderful, if you did bad, shake it off, each day is a new day.

What I'd like to know is what you intend to do for you during this 8-week challenge. Even if you simply take a long hot bath with a book, treating yourself to a ma
ssage, meeting a friend for coffee or replacing an old broken friend with a newer sleeker version that is lime green and named Lola. Just so long as you take the time to recognize that you are worth giving to and that you need some self care because if you don't recharge you will be left haggard tired and resentful. Or is that just me? :)

What I'm going to do for me, I already did a bit. I got Lola, she's my workout buddy, isn't she pretty? But it is technically part of my Mother's Day present..mostly to reconcile the twinge of guilt I felt.

But what I'm really going to do for myself is this.

After the first four weeks of the 8 week challenge, I'm going to treat myself to a 1/2 hour massage. The last time I went to my local massage therapist I left feeling bett
er than I had in a long time. I felt like I could fly, it was that good. So tell me, what will you do for you while you're working to reach your goals during these 8 weeks?

If you plan on blogging about giving to yourself, or if you want to blog more about your 8 week goals and how you did, please sign in to Mr. Linky below.
We would love to have you add our button to your blog if you're taking part in the challenge.
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What's that? You want to comment? Just click on the itty-bitty words below that say "Gimme Some Sugar". Can you see them? Good. We can't wait to chat with you.

26 comments:

Anne said...

I'm all up for buying myself a new iPod, getting a massage and eating some chocolate. Who's paying?

This sounds like something I'd like to participate in, but I'm not clear on what the 8-week challenge is. Four weeks in you get a massage. Is this a reward? What do you do during the first four weeks? Have I missed something?

I've browsed around your blog (first time here) and don't find exactly what the challenge is. It says "get fit." Does that mean lose weight and exercise, or mentally and emotionally fit? I doubt I could do all at once. Tell me more!

Sister Sassy said...

Hi Ann, click on the Lets Get Fit 8-week Challenge on the left sidebar.

Its whatever you want it to be, its getting fit inside and out- or really just starting. Check it out, click that link. SIster HB, can you click the topic and link it in the post.

Sorry Anne for the confusion!

Sister Sassy said...

I mean right sidebar... I wish we had a left sidebar. Covet... want... need left sidebar!

Sister Honey Bunch said...

Here's a link to all of the posts regarding the 8 week challenge

http://sistersofadifferentorder.blogspot.com/search/label/Let%27s%20Get%20Fit-8%20Week%20Challenge

saintseester said...

Okay, I did the Mr. Linky thing, and posted mine. Thanks for the inspiration, ladies.

Ashlee said...

I signed Mr. Linky but haven't posted yet. I will today though!

Jen said...

What I'd like to do for myself is truly put my NEEDS first. Not my wants, but my NEEDS. I put everything ahead of my health and fitness--work, my husband, my family, my friends, even TELEVISION. That's not helping me feel stronger and more centered and more energetic. It would be such a gift to myself if I could truly put ME first.

Sandy C. said...

What a great post. This resonates so well with me as I have a hard time ever spending money on myself, especially now that I barely bring any income to the table. I notice that half the groceries and all the clothes I purchase are never for me. Being a mom we often lose sight of how important is is to take care of ourselves too. Good for you for taking the initiative to do so for yourself :)

High Hopes said...

I joined a book club and went to my first ever meeting last Saturday and loved it. It was fun discussing and dissecting a book with other intelligent women. (We also had good food and wine) Probably made the book better.

I am trying to get myself motivated to exercise and am working on it I will let you know how it goes.

womaninawindow said...

Oh, all you selfless people, darn you. I've taken too much time for myself as of late, blogging, taking pictures, riding my bike. yikes! My house IS falling apart. My kids are in need of a good play. Ooofff! Too much of me is not healthy for anyone! So much for your wise words for all those other selfless mothers. But I will post a rant about breaking down later this week. I'm sure that doesn't count...

azn8tive said...

I found your blog through saintseester. Love this blog! I signed up for Mr. Linky, but haven't posted yet. Thank you for the inspiration.

Jim said...

Thanks for all the readers and participants!!

I think I kinda suck at mr linky, he look weird to anyone else?

-Sister Sassy

kspin said...

I don't know if running a marathon should be a reward, but it felt like one to me. I guess it was also the trip to visit family too, but I linked to my post-marathon post and thought maybe it would count? Maybe? :)

I am going to keep up with the weight workout now too, so I do still have my goals!

Sister Sassy said...

Hey, I saw the food, flowers and diaper cake. Fun looks like it was had so I'd say it counts!

And you ran a freaking Marathon!!!

Sister Big said...

My iPod is jealous that your iPod has a name. Good post. I'm still going with the eat right, work out, relax, oh, and today I received some new clothes I ordered.
Going to Vegas tomorrow for a meeting and will get some sun while I'm there, read a book, and as a gift for attending the meeting I get a pedicure from the resort we're staying at.I feel a little greedy.

becky said...

Well, I am planning to purchase a nice new outfit at the end of the 8 week challenge. Not the kind that I usually buy...you know the kind...after three washes, you have to sew (or in my case pin) something back together. No this time, I'm gonna buy some clothes that fit really well and last for a lifetime and longer. Can't wait!

Sister Honey Bunch said...

I need to think about what I want to do for myself. I have been trying to figure this out since you posted yesterday and nothing comes to mind.

Sister Sassy said...

Sister Big- you deserve the good rest. You put many years in working your butt off as mom, wife and worker. Be greedy.

Becky- good for you! A nice quality and well fitting outfit is a wonderful thing. Post when you get it so we can all see :)

Sister Sassy said...

we commented at the same time HB but I figured I'd better say something to you so you don't yell at me for ignoring you.

Since Tom seems to know everything, why not ask him. And tell him I heard on NPR that it was supposed to top out at 3.60 -no gaurentee... It better not get to $4. How do the working poor afford to buy gas??

Anne said...

I did it! Need some ideas, though.

http://www.lifepundit.net/2008/04/eight-week-chal.html

Also added y'all to my blogroll.

Montay said...

OKay girls I have been a slacker in the blog world lately andI am trying to do better but I swear I can only focus on one thing at a time lately and well with a new baby and three well if you count the hubby and dogs 6 other people to take care of I am a little busy I do have to say that I am doing OK om the challenge I have drank my water and I have not ate a thing from 8pm to 12:00am in the last 5 days WOOO HOOO!!! Thanks for the inspiration...:)

Doodles said...

Love the green iPod. I signed up on Mr. Linky and will post later today. Thanks for continuing to inspire us all to keep going and to take care of ourselves!

Martha said...

Awwww CRUD!!!!!!

See what happens when you decide to quit reading blogs??? You miss very important, life-changing posts. I'm bummed that I didn't know about the 8 week challenge. Dammit.

But I'm rockin' that same iPod. Dang. I love it. It's changed my life. I'm not kidding.

xoxox,
martha

Jeff McCord said...

Great article!

I love that you used the word MOXIE!!!

Check out ALL things moxie at www.jeffmccord.org (sorry for the shameless plug).

Seriously, your blog is great! Keep it up.

Jill said...

You know what I did for myself? I got promoted and a raise and bought a moped all in the same day. I havent been this excited about something since I was a kid! And that is how people afford gas, smaller vehicles with killer gas mileage that are a blast to ride, and only go 30 miles an hour!

Sister Sassy said...

Yay Jill! Congrats! Send me a pick of you on your moped and I'll post it :)