Friday, August 8, 2008

The No Scream Parenting Method

And when I say scream, I'm talking about me not being that screaming woman. You know who she is...
....
Thats right. Harriet Olsen. Oh, the shudder I feel when I think that I may be like that woman. Her constant screaming and her poor hen pecked husband. I was always afraid of becoming her.

My Boogs is a challenge. He is strong willed, spirited, full of energy, emotional AND he's a tad behind in talking. Doesn't = pretty.

I find myself yelling at him constantly and angrily. I yell and he yells back, I yell louder, he yells louder and cries. It's hard to tell who the two-year-old is. That'd be him.

So after finally deciding that positive reward seems to work way better for him, in fact, punishment of any kind doesn't even make him blink. So we began a sticker chart with certain tasks and reward magnets. He seems to like that, but he was still being very challenging.

Finally, a few days ago, I decided I was going to go 2 weeks without raising my voice at him. And I don't know if its like a placebo effect, where I just imagine it- but it seems to be working. He seems to be less frustrated, and doing less naughty type things. But he's also easier to refocus to non-naughty activities. AND, for some reason, I just feel better and less pressure. Just knowing that I'm not allowed to yell at him seems to make things easier on me. I can't explain it- but maybe you can :)




8 comments:

saintseester said...

I agree with you on the no screaming thing. A two year old cannot really distinguish the meaning behind a raised voice. It is very, very hard, though for me, because I'm a yeller. I came from the "loud" family, as my husband calls us. So, yelling never phased me.

Courtney said...

I did this with my oldest because punishments didn't seem to work for her either. We still do it and it is wonderful. My home is a much happier place because of it and she is 4 now.

Wade Huntsinger said...

Well TC came up with a plan of consequences and rewards using our allowance system. Each point is worth 25 cents and everyone starts each week with the same number. They lose them or even gain them back. It has really worked on some these stubborn kids. There is one kid though that has never lost any points. He is my favorite.

Ashlee said...

I completely understand your frustration with a non-talker. That was the hardest part for me. I am currently working on trying to explain "why" instead of just saying "because I said so". I hate that question. I'm the momma! Don't question me! :0) I don't know if it's working, but hopefully in the long run they will at least better understand the reason's behind the rules.

Sandy C. said...

I am a guilty yeller. My mom and dad were both yellers, so sadly I learned from them. It scares me sometimes when I hear myself. It's like I can hear my mom's voice come out of my mouth.

I really do need to be better about not raising my voice with my daughter. I'd love to have a more peaceful, quiet home.

catatonickid said...

I think part of it might be the way we think. Our brains, two year old or not, simply don't hear negatives when we talk to ourselves.

Like, if we say to ourselves 'no chocolate' and repeat it all our brains take in is the chocolate part. It reinforces the dilemma, and we struggle more, not less.

If we remove the whole option, and stop thinking about whatever it is entirely then we tend to relax. Things go smoothly because we don't get into a cycle of tug of war with ourselves when we don't even understand why it's such a big deal.

It's a big deal because our brains mostly learn in positive ways. If you want to reinforce something it's easy - it only takes a handful of repetitions to learn it. If you want to unlearn something it takes about three times as long.

We are designed to be creatures of habit, and sometimes unfortunately for the rest of us two year olds want to acquire as many habits as possible. Their brains don't yet have the structure to unlearn things. It's a much more complicated task.

janethesane said...

Thad and I were just talking about this the other day. We were both yelled at and have yelled way more at our daughter than we thought. We are working on it.

Sister Sassy said...

THanks Everyone. Catatonic Kid, great insight, thanks!

It was tough tonight when he'd taken his diaper off twice and sat bare assed in bed peeing wherever. Arg!