Staying Connected

If you were me last night, this is what you got to look at. Let me tell you how I came to find myself determined to stare into these beautiful eyes a couple of nights a week.

My husband and I haven't been the most connected couple through our marriage. Many of you know that there was a big dark secret that I held on to most of my marriage that kept us from being connected. However, now that we are happy and in love we find it very important to work at staying connected.

It is so easy for couples to lose sight of each other in the midst of the chaos of the rat race. Working, children, family, friends and of course the most important, TV. These things suck the time out of your marriage, however many of them are things you can't neglect, except for the kids of course. Just kidding.

I feel this missing connection often during his long weekends when I barely seem him. By the time the weekend is over we're both feeling distant and tired. Him from working constantly, me from being a single parent. A few weekends ago I started worrying that something was wrong with us, maybe something was wrong with me. Why was I feeling depressed and disconnected from him. Maybe I'd never be happy, maybe I was wrong about my love, maybe I was kidding myself. I could tell he was picking up on these feelings, he kept coming and touching me and looking at me when we had brief moments together.

By the end of his last working weekend we sent the boys off to bed and then I simply sat down on his lap and gazed into his eyes. And suddenly all the yuckiness melted away and I proclaimed how much I missed him. That sitting and gazing was so important. I read that looking into someone's eyes will illicit feelings of falling in love and deep connectedness, that gazing is a very naked thing to do. It creates a sort of vulnerability, and emotional vulnerability in both partners is important in a strong relationship. At least in my opinion, and since I have a bacholors degree in Family Studies, then of course I'm delusional right.

When was the last time you sat and faced your partner, looking deeply into their eyes and talked about your love, your life, your future?

So JimmyEW and I have started scheduling (yes, I said scheduling) time for us to spend connecting in a deep and soulful way. And no, this does not have to be ESS EE EX. We have picked the days that we will take the time to Soulfully Connect and that will be the first thing we do after the boys go to bed. Sure, it seems to lack spontaneity, but who cares. And, like I said, it's not about doing the deed, although it may lead to that. Its about you and your partner saying to each other that you are going to shut out all of life's distractions, turn off the TV and devote a small slice of time to emotional intimacy.

Now I challenge you to try this and let me know how it goes. I could be wrong about it working for everyone, but I can tell you, it works for me.

and now for more works for me Wednesday tips go here.

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