My One and Only Crazy College Story

Today is Thursday and I don't have a lot to say. Nothing much going on so I decided to pull from some of the comments in our Who the Heck Are We Post and write something that was requested there.

My dear Jiller, the oldest niece, who is just a few years younger than me, said she'd like some crazy stories from college.

To be honest I don't have very many crazy stories. I was slightly unusual in my college days, I didn't drink (and still don't really) and didn't smoke, and contrary to popular belief, I wasn't (and still am not) a pot head either. But I do have one or two fun stories. Here is the best one. Be prepared, it's kind of gross.

It was the end of the school year, exam time freshman year and I was cramming. Big Mama Jean had been kind enough to order two care packages chocked full of really bad stuff for you, and a lone apple. I'm sure that apple was teased mercilessly for being uncool. Poor Apple.

So, for that whole weekend I ate crap. I didn't eat anything that was very sustaining, mostly sugar and carbonated beverages. Finally, Sunday night I decided to get some real food. My choice? A frozen burrito from 7-11. I know, I said real food. But in the butt middle of nowhere, late at night, it's hard to find real food within walking distance. My selection was limited.

I ate my burrito and washed it down with a handful of Doritos and a swig of Mt. Dew then went back to studying. JimmyEW and my sweet skinny little roommate that I'll call MaNana were cramming along with me but both went for a quick bathroom break. I, my friends, have a bladder of steal, so I kept on trucking.

Then, without notice of any sort at all, I was on the floor puking into a garbage can. And when I say no notice, that is what I mean. Not nausea, not burping, not a cramp or a gurgle. It was just a big unhappy surprise. Afterward, I ran across the hall to my room and brushed my teeth. I didn't tell MaNana anything had happened because I was in a rush to blow my nose and rinse my mouth out.

After my breath was nice and minty fresh I went back into the study room to take care of my little...problem. I had to destroy the evidence. The site that met my eyes when I reentered the study hall was very comical. JimmyEW and MaNana were back, MaNana was frantically flailing near the windows of the study hall trying to get them open. She was muttering something that sounded like, "Oh My God, it smells so bad in here." JimmyEW was trying to help her, neither of them had any idea why the stench of vomit was offending their noses.

"I think I'm gonna puke" MaNana gasped, and ran from the study hall to our room. I followed her to see if she was ok, still not having had a chance to say what happened. She goes directly into the bathroom, bends over the sink and throws up a little blue dot of Fun Dip sugar. You know Fun Dip, with the Lick it Stick? Its pure sugar, like a Pixi Stick, but different.

Seeing her throw up, I just couldn't help myself. I started laughing my ass off because my vomit was a mass of toxic waste with a smell that made her sick, and hers was a dainty little piece of blue candy.

However, the laughter upset my already volatile stomach and before I knew it, I was vomiting in the toilet. MaNana started to laugh at me, thinking her little bit of Fun Dip made me puke, however as soon as I did throw up she was done. She began throwing up again in the sink, this time with real effort. It was gross.

For a few minutes we took turns laughing hysterically and subsequently gagging and throwing up in our separate porcelain fixtures. At some point between the Fun Dip puke, and the full out puke fest, JimmyEW came in and scurried helplessly from MaNana to me trying to help. He finally just threw his hands up in defeat and got out of dodge before he joined us. Lucky him.

It was like a bad Monty Python sketch but at least I didn't puke in my hands.

For months after that, when we'd try to tell the story, we'd end up finding ourselves collapsed on the ground laughing our butts off. Too bad she ended up being a sucky friend. Oh well. I also think that was the night I first kissed JimmyEW, the kiss that started our story. I only hope my breath didn't smell.

So Jill and everyone else, I hope you enjoyed my little story. I didn't feel like writing it, I didn't feel like writing anything. But by the time I got to the section in the bathroom I was laughing so hard that I'm certain my face took on that ugly look. You know the face, the flaring nostrils and the watery eyes. Good thing my office neighbor was out of the office or I'm sure he would have been wondering what was wrong with me.

And in case you don't know what I mean when I referenced the Monty Python sketch (don't look embarrassed for not knowing, I can almost guarantee Sister HB doesn't know what I mean either) here is a clip.

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